Everyone is a judgmental prick

There, I've said it.

I was on my morning tea break when three of the staff started to talk about C (one of our pharmacist) in the pantry.

"C is so into investing her money. I bet her boyfriend was the one teaching her how to do it," said Madam O innocently.
"You are wrong! O, you are so naive! She is the one who taught her boyfriend - not the other way around!" Kak K piped in.
P, another pharmacist, said: "Madam O, you only know half of the story. Let me tell you..."

Then they proceeded to clue Madam O in about C's 'unrealistic' and singular dream of making big money through direct sales. I just sat there and listened like I always do. Always observing and nodding my head occasionally like I understand. But I don't.

Because I had seen her in tears yesterday when she recounted her boyfriend's tight financial situation. I know that she dreamed of making enough to raise her future children in a secure environment. What they said about C is true. C is realistic to a fault, and seems to place material gains over almost everything else. She even sometimes neglects her pharmacist duties to entertain her clients' calls. I definitely do not agree with her behaviour. I can sympathise with her situation. I will not demonise her because I know her story.

Perhaps I am biased towards her. While I was crying from the stress of working in counter 3 a few months back, she was the one who approached me directly and asked: "What's wrong?" She was the one telling me to just 'do whatever you are supposed to do' and 'ignore the rest'. Other people happily clocked out from the pharmacy while C was helping me to calm down.  

I was working at the screening counter this week. Because I am new at this, it was pretty hectic for me.

One day, a middle-aged man came up to me, asking for my help. He had lost his FTK card. FTK means Farmasi Teman Kami. It is a service we provide for patients whose prescriptions contain more than 6 items. We keep their scripts and pack their medications ahead of time, while they keep a card with them to inform them when to come to collect their scripts.

Mind you, even in the age of 21st century technology, almost nothing in my hospital is computerised - FTK system included. We have a large book we use to record the names of the FTK patients, the corresponding card serial numbers and dates to collect their medications.

So I was faced with this problem. I practically had to leaf through book, page by page, just to look for the patient's name. I passed along the patient's name to the PRP on duty at the FTK counter. Let's call her A.

Me: So this man lost his FTK card. Could you please look for the name in the book?
A: How to find? It is not like we have a computerised system here. 

I was groaning inwardly. Of course I bloody hell know nothing is computerised! But that shouldn't stop you from doing your duty! A was just sitting there the entire time, looking on as I sifted through book. I was mad, very mad. But I didn't show it. Instead of sitting on your ass the entire time and chit-chatting with people, why don't you do some work for once! It wasn't even a busy week! I had my own duty waiting for me. Patients waiting to get a number, phone was waiting for me to answer and I had to do A's work just because she thought the task was impossible.

I managed to find the name in a few minutes and retrieved the patient's medication from the storage area. IT WASN'T EVEN THAT TOUGH. BLOODY SUCK IT UP, A!

Seniors at work were talking about badminton. They wanted more people to join their 'team'. This particular guy - let's call him, T - turned to me and asked, "So, do you play badminton?"

I just laughed awkwardly and said no. I hate to see colleagues outside of work. I have seen them enough hours of a day. "I would rather use the time to sleep," I told him. 

Another senior, E, commented: "You are just like B. She likes to sleep too." Frankly, who doesn't like to sleep?!

T jumped in, "You know that you are not like B." 

At that point, I already knew what he was going to say. He has nothing good to say with his mouth, ever. Always sneering and teasing the freshies on the job. I braced myself for the comment. 

"B has very high metabolism. So it is okay for her to always sleep. But you,... you are not going to stay like this if you do that."

WTF, dude? You just commented on my figure, my weight in front of everyone at work! Mentally, I have been giving you the middle finger whenever I see you. Each time I feel that you have some redeeming qualities, you somehow manage to turn my impression of you 180 degrees again. 

It is tough becoming a young woman. We are always being judged by our weight and our size. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. And it is not pretty. 

My BMI reached 19 after my first year in Perth. I came back to people looking absolutely delighted that I lost weight. "You look amazing!" or "You look thin!" were among the numerous comments I received from relatives. In my mind, I was shouting: "So you thought I looked horrible before?!" And people started to look at my body - almost leering - to see where I had lost the extra fat. It was really an uncomfortable experience. 

And now, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I received judgment on my body size from someone I barely know. I do not live in this planet to impress the likes of you, T. I am going to be myself, just the way I am. If I am going to gain weight, so be it. If I am going to lose weight - pay attention - I DON'T DO IT TO IMPRESS YOU. 

GO TO HELL.