Had a long chat with Shu Ning on Msn. I always thought I am atheist. But it turns out I am agnostic after all. Thanks for the enlightening me, Shu. I have always believed in the existence of a higher power. But I do not feel comfortable following a set religion. I was brought up in a Buddhist/Taoist family. My father, although is a believer in the Dhamma, keeps saying things like: “Do your best and leave the worrying to the Lord.” You can say I was pretty confused. “Should I believe in God or Buddhism?” I thought to myself.

Then a couple of months back, something struck me as I was thinking about this. Why does this world have so many different religions? How could we believe in different things when essentially we are the same people, who are living in the same universe – sharing the very same existence? In the end, I decided that indeed, there is a higher power that governs this world, and created everything in it. I look at Mother Nature and the beauty in it, and I could feel He exists in such things. Because He is great, I could not know everything there is to know about him. I may not be able to know the truth about Him now, but I think I will only when I die.

To me, it is okay to not know everything about Him. I am okay with not having a specific set of beliefs. I decided to focus on the present – to focus on the love in my life. I love my family and friends, and they love me too. That is all I ever need to know to continue living this existence of mine.

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I simply do not understand parents who disown their kids for following a different religion. To me, faith is something innate that grows in you. What you believe in may not always be the same as others. Why do parents think kids will always follow their beliefs? Why disown your own flesh and blood whom you have loved for all your life, just because they are different? Nothing could ever change the fact that they are your kids, in spite of the differences in religion.

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Defend your religion with violence, and people would think your God is violent. Defend it with love and people would think that your God loves.

That is what I honestly believe in.

My thoughts on Single-stream Schools

I think it is a good idea. Different schooling systems ie vernacular and national schools, are divisive. How do you unite Malaysians of various descents when they haven't got the chance to mix around?

But I must say that now is not the time to implement it. It is not because our people are not ready for such a change. Some of those in the position of power - those who hold posts in the government - are not ready for such a change. They have very racist views, which is such a shame because when the rest of the country wants to move forward, they are pulling us back.

If I were to have kids in the future, I would like them to go to a school where there are other Malaysian children from various cultures. I hope they would learn to look past the shades of one's skin, and rather focus on the strength and goodness of one's character. It is also my fervent hope that they are taught by teachers who are colour-blind as well and that the children would partake in various cultural activities that enhance their understanding of what Malaysia is all about.

Could this be done? Only time will tell.