What can I do?

I just received news from a colleague that kenaikan gaji & kenaikan pangkat for pharmacists in government sector is no longer time-based.

I guess I should have expected this a long time ago, because right now there are too many of us around. I am being nervous; being stuck in U41 forever is not an option. I don't even like this job in the first place.

Am I allowed to regret my past decisions? I chose pharmacy and I chose JPA because I had thought it was my best option in life. I thought I would continue on this path forever until I retire. But I am greedy and dissatisfied. I want a change. I want to change myself. I want to challenge myself.

But because I was cowardly, I had limited myself to this path. Pharmacy or nothing. Do or die. I didn't even work another job before this. My prior work experience was limited to that 6 months of practicum in university.

What I can do? I don't even know.

I am angry and frustrated. I don't like this job which reminds me of school.

"Kehadiran diwajibkan." Being forced to do things that I am not interested in doing. Doing research for the sake of reaching KPIs and for glory. Doing research which may not impact the way we practice at all!

Above all, I am sick of my current life. In the list of things I want to do in the near future, none of it involved pharmacy. I am beginning to think that all decisions I have had made so far are wrong. Mistakes. This is not the way I want to spend my time. This is not what I want to do.