I am SICK of travelling far from home to pursue higher studies. Homesickness is too overwhelming.

But at the same time, I want to get a feel of the world beyond my little town.

Morrie Schwartz, is this what you meant when you said 'tension of the opposites'?

Steeling my heart...

Time passes so quickly. Now that I am in Perth, it seems like I never went back to TI for the holidays at all. Each time I leave home, a piece of my heart dies.

I feel so tired of this kind of life. But I chose this, and there's nothing I can ever do now... except to continue walking. Sigh~

Continue staying in the same old room, except that it is quite sparse at the moment. I haven't moved any of my stuff from Amy's place yet. Arghhhh! I am sick of moving stuff. If only I have magic....

Dream on lah. Expect more emo posts soon. :-(

Familiar faces in a small town

If there is one thing I absolutely detest (perhaps that is too strong a word) about living in a small town, is the fact that I see familiar people everywhere. Take today for example.

After dinner, I went shopping for clothes in The Store (not sure if it is big enough to be called a 'mall'), with Mimmy and Yuin-cheh. My first step into the place, I already spotted a familiar person. She and I were in the same Accounts and Malay tuition during Form 4 & 5. I could only remember her surname: Tan. What is her full name? Eeek! I have no idea! I am very terrible at remembering names. So instead of saying 'Hi' in that sea of people, I chose not to say anything and prayed REALLY HARD that she won't see me. And she didn't notice me at all. Phew!

I went to the first floor, where all the girls' and ladies' clothes are. Mimmy and Yuin-cheh helped me to look for nice New Year clothes. We looked around and we tried on a few clothes. Apparently, Mimmy's friend, whose two daughters are friends of both of my sisters, was also working in The Store as Shiseido's salesperson (well, something like that anyway). They chatted for quite some time.

As they chatted, I continued looking at other stuff - most notably Goggles, because I have always liked that brand.  The salesgirl at Goggles stared at me. "What's up with her?" I thought and backed off immediately. We continued our shopping spree. Along the way, we met with more familiar people. There was this salesgirl, whose elder sister was Yuin-cheh's classmate. Another woman working under the 'Dolly' brand was Mimmy's yoga friend.

Then, we came a full circle and went back to Goggles again. Mimmy spotted a cute jacket and asked me to try it. The salesgirl was there, still. This time, Mimmy noticed something. "Hey, she looks really familiar," she whispered to Yuin-cheh and I.

Both of us agreed, but we couldn't remember her from anywhere at all. Finally, as the salesgirl handed us the jacket that we wanted, Mimmy asked her: "You look awfully familiar. From where have I seen you before?" The girl flashed a sweet smile and said, "You too, Auntie. My mother is the lady who sold economy noodles in Antek Avenue."

The "Oooh" moment came. We finally recalled that we used to frequent a lady's stall in Antek Avenue. She operated her business from home and sold all sorts of noodles and desserts at RM1 per packet. This girl was always helping her mother at the stall.

Mimmy struck a conversation with the girl, asking about her mother and so on. Apparently, the lady had stopped selling noodles and went into direct sales instead for a couple of years now. And the girl is now studying in TAR College.

That was about the greatest  'familiar people' find we had in The Store today. Oh yeah, Shen Li spotted me when we were at the second floor. She was working part-time at the pillows department. Well, we did see a whole lot of other people in The Store - Mimmy's friends, Mimmy's brother's friends, my juniors and etc. But I wouldn't care to elaborate about them here.

And oh, the salesgirl's name? We don't know and we didn't ask. In a small town, you don't need to know a person's name to know them.

Why we need friends

This is a short essay I wrote for Bro. Oh's Muet tuition 3 years ago (dated 4th January 2007).

To me, friendship is like a flower. Beautiful but not forever. No matter how much we try to trick ourselves into saying, "friendship forever", it is not.

But we still need friends. Purely, because they could offer help in times of need. For example, you just need a beautiful necklace to complement your dress in order to attend a cousin's wedding. To whom do you turn to? When your family is not in sight, you will automatically run to the telephone and call a friend for help.

We need friends because we need favours from them. People tend to get a headstart in business because they have got connections with very influential friends. Some people use their friends to climb to a higher social ladder. In this world, friends equal to favours. 

However, selfish reasons aside, we need friends because we want to share joy, laughter and pain with them. Well, humans need to socialise. Whenever we are sad over a relative's death or happy over a string of A's in the public examination, we often turn to friends who would listen. We share with them details of our lives so that or pain could be alleviated and our joy doubled. 

So, when a friendship ends due to a huge communication gap or due to conflicting ideas, why do we cry so much? I think because we have shared so much with them. We put a bit of ourselves into them; and they put a little bit of themselves into us. So, why do we need friends? Because friends are a part of our lives.  

I think I have people phobia. I hate living in TI for the very reason that people know me. I hate bumping into them when I go out for makan or shopping and having to strike a conversation with them. Therein lies the problem.

Whenever I makan with friends, it would seem to them that I zone out or get bored. I am so sorry for the way I am. Because I can't seem to contribute anything to keep the flow of conversation going, I choose to be silent and listen.

High school isn't meant to last forever...

Yeah, I know that. Just finished watching 'High School Musical 3' movie on DVD. As always, sequels are pale in comparison to the original movie, but it was indeed a grand effort.

Anyway, watching it makes me reminisce about my secondary school days. Was it fun? Stressful? Happy? Or filled with regrets? Gee, actually I don't remember much about it now. My memory sucks. But I do have lots of regrets. Not being able to do something different. Not being able to change myself. Not filling every single moment with tonnes of fun. Full of remorse for having the thinking that if I go someplace far away, my life would change. Hell yeah, it doesn't. The same old you is still there, so nothing changes.

But what the heck, right? It is over. It ain't coming back. Fun memories and regrets or whatever, I am just going to bury them deep in the garden of my messed up mind.

Goodbye secondary school.

Putu Mayam

A plate of thin vermicelli jam-packed with good old carbo, lots of gula melaka and grated coconut...

My idea of a perfect breakfast. I haven't got the luck to eat this for the past 2 months in TI. It seems that putu mayam sellers are a very RARE breed nowadays. :-(

EDIT: Oh yeah, credit to Living Vegan blog for the picture. Sorry for stealing your pic. Putu mayam is very hard to resist after all. :-D