Honours Program: to apply or not apply?

Received an email from the school. Apparently, I am qualified to apply for Honours program. The key word here is 'apply'. Students will have to sit for a written test and a round of interview before being whittled down to a select few. Although I once boldly said I would not apply for it, I am actually two-minds about it.

Why?

The notion of being 'special', of course. Honours students are probably the cream of the crop. They have access to more school facilities, work closely with their supervisors and write a thesis which hopefully will end up in well-established journals for academics to read. They are treated specially compared to the majority of their peers who spend the rest of the fourth year doing rotation.

But I have to ask myself again and again, so that I won't make another mistake that I will regret. (Typing in my thoughts is one way to reaffirm my own thinking.) Will I be happy doing it? Is research really my strength? Is this what I really want? A lot of times I confuse 'fear' with 'dislike'. Because of that, I shun away from opportunities. Because of a lack of courage, I give up things that I like to do.

Honestly, I am afraid of doing research, afraid of screwing up. But I also think being out there in the real world would help me so much more. Maybe rotation will help me build up my confidence. And I am looking forward (albeit with a bit of apprehension mixed in) to different places for fourth year placements - hospital, community pharmacy, specialised health centres etc. I am not sure what choices are there for practical training but I think I want to diversify my experiences.

I don't want to play along with choices anymore. I want to make informed decisions that are in line with my desires. This is what I aim to do in my life from now on. No more 'let's see how it goes' or 'if I get the offer, I'll just do it'. Sometimes, small decisions can really make or break your life. And how do I know this? Because I have been there, done that and now living it.

Dear friends, I won't apply for honours. Thank you for reading this. =)

Sincerely,
jacys