Muse

Yes, I need my Muse now.

Where is she?

I am trying to construct a poem because I have so much time on my hands. But now, I am stuck halfway and cannot continue. :(

Politicians

Dear Malaysian politicians,

I would like to ask you to ask your own conscience (if you so happen to have a tiny bit left) – what are the reasons you join politics? To me, politicians should be leaders of the community, the society, the rakyat. Politicians should have a definite stand on issues, based on your knowledge and experiences. We expect you to lead us with a moral voice, a clear vision and direction as to what changes or things that you want to happen in our country. But all I see is destruction of the very foundation that our forefathers built.

You claim that this country is a model of tolerance and unity. But your eyes are akin to those of tinted glasses; you can’t see us who are different.

You claim that the nation is prosperous under your leadership. But all I could see is poor people still living on the streets while your coffers just seem to grow larger and larger by the minute.

You claim that this no leader is indispensable and that everyone should leave when their time comes. But you do not leave even after support for your leadership has waned.

You claim to want to develop our nation. But how developed could our country be if you single-handedly brought up a whole generation of narrow-minded people, just like you?

Where is your conscience?

Perth Weather

I do love Perth weather after all.

I love walking in the sun, with the cool breeze caressing my skin.

Perth Weather-san, I think I will miss you when I go back to Malaysia.

Ranting 101

So what is wrong with getting a zero for my lab, huh?

I am okay with getting a zero for Chloroxylenol Solution BP, so why shouldn't you?

Today is already an achievement for me. I spilled the solution, but then at least I got it right. It didn't turn cloudy when I diluted one drop of the solution with 19 drops of water (meaning: the soap is formed, and hence, I was on the right track).

I was clumsy again and it spilled. I didn't cry at all even though I would normally. But instead I geared myself into making the next prep. So what if I got a zero? I think I deserve a little credit for being able to smile in the lab, no?

So I don't appreciate you saying to me and pat me on my shoulder: "Oh, don't be sad about getting a zero." Hey, I know you are trying to be nice, but PLEASE, get off my back, will ya?
I didn't even show a speck of sadness when you were talking to me. I didn't even EXPLICITLY SAY that I was SAD or DEPRESSED or whatever.

Thank You

Thank you for being concerned about me, when in fact you are dealing with your grief.

I know now that it is more heartbreaking for you to convey such a sad news to me.

And you cried too.

Thank you for crying together with me.

I realise the gravity and selflessness of your love.

Thank you Mom and Dad.

Sorry/Goodbye

My paternal grandma passed away at home yesterday morning.

And I was here (still am) in Perth.

In the same time zone and yet, being so far away from Malaysia.

Can you see the irony?

Yes, I cried a lot yesterday night when I received the news.

I am sad that she passed away.

But more so, I am remorseful that I am so far. I knew her time was coming, I was hoping I could be there when she passed on. I know I am so foolish and more than that, selfish in thinking that way.

I am remorseful for thinking of her death so often, when she was alive. Sometimes, I wished for Death to come knocking faster for her, so that she would suffer less, because the way she had been living for the past two years wasn’t really living at all.

The way she pined for my late grandfather, calling out his name when we were all perfectly aware that he was long gone.

The way she could not remember us (her grandchildren), the way she could hardly see our faces.
It was all painful for all of us to bear.

I am remorseful because despite what I told everyone about not being there at her wake, I knew perfectly well that there was no point in me going back to attend the ceremony.

I feel bad for thinking that way. But funerals and wakes are for the living, not the dead. The moment she stopped breathing, the grandmother we all knew was gone. If I wanted to show filial piety, I should express it (in many, many ways) when she was very much alive – not when she is lying cold in the coffin.

Thank you Popo for being such a kind grandmother.

Sorry for all these things I said in this blog. You could be hurt if you know this, for sure.

But I love you. We all love you. Goodbye.