"Why didn't you find a job in a pharmacy?"

That is the my second most-hated question from people I barely know. The first being: "Why do you want to go back to Malaysia?"

For someone who always live her life under the radar, I find myself suddenly under scrutiny. As if my life is any of their business. It is my life, my choice and I should be allowed to wreck my life if I wanted to.

And still, despite all my quiet defiance, I never could verbalize my thoughts. I am cowed, silent in front of these people whom I know have good intentions despite their nosy demeanor. I always feel disheartened whenever I see their eyes go wide and mouths go a huge 'O'. As they ask the question I hate, I glimpse a bit of displeasure or disappointment (maybe a mixture of both) beneath their masked face. Oh you people cannot fool me...

Now, surrounded by a mess of laundry, half-opened books and notes from years past, I realize the gravity of the situation I am in. Simply put, I am in deep shit. Yes, I now regret not having a part-time job at a pharmacy. Despite being a semester away from graduating, I don't know things that I am supposed to know.

Regrets? I always have them. Contradiction? I am the living definition of that word. But at least I am trying to do my best (I think). Rather than running away from placements that involve patient contact, I choose to do them. Because I know that they are important. Because I know that running away from fear is not a solution.