ah, how bittersweet the taste of jealousy. the happiness of finding out about her small measure of success is marred by the bitter aftertaste of sadness for my pathetic self. no wonder i feel trapped in this body. i have never grown at all, neither physically nor emotionally. and i wonder if i have what it takes to be someone great, amazing. am i destined for a life of mediocrity?

the dreams that i have buried within the garden of my heart are probably never quite mine. because i don't have the courage or determination to make them come true. i am floating in this flow of life. doing what everyone does and living a life just like everyone else's.

it is puzzling as to how much i have given up on my past, just to catch a glimpse into the future, but only to find myself struggling to gain a firm ground in the present. how everything is mine but never mine. i am at loss of what to do with myself. the feeling of helplessness is like a constant mist around me. it is only briefly gone, blown away by the wind when i continue running in this path of life. but it loyally comes back when i stand still.