I guess if there is God in this world, He/She would be deemed unfair. Why? Because He/She made us all differently. I was made differently from others. I wouldn't label myself unique but I am different. Sometimes, so different that I feel like a failure.
In the Pharmaceutics lab today, I screwed up. I thought if I had wrote down steps on how to compound medicines and watched the lab demo video on the Blackboard, I would be fine. But I was wrong. When I was still measuring chemicals for the second compounding session, one person (I don't know if it's a guy or a girl) had already completed all three compounding sessions and left the lab.
I struggled with compounding the different chemicals. I was short of 3ml for the Senega and Ammonia Mixture APF because I didn't realise I had taken 4 layers of gauze instead of 2. Bummer. When almost everyone was done with theirs and already started cleaning up, I had only started on the last compounding. And when I looked over to the place where we put our bags, I already saw Wai Hang, all done and just waiting there for me, I almost died.And when I realised I hadn't taken my photo (which I was supposed to during the lab session) because I was too busy measuring chemicals, I almost cried. I feel like a failure sometimes.And I took a step out of the Super Lab, I felt I need a chair to sit on because my knees were too weak.
In the house I am staying in, I am only close to 5 other people and all of them speak fluent Mandarin. My Mandarin is hopeless. Couldnt't be helped. Should have studied harder last time. Wai Hang was educated in national school (just like me) but she could converse well in that language. I feel like an outsider in this house (two other housemates speak English all the time but they have their own gang, so I can't just mix in).
I am made differently. I hope I can accept this but over and over again, I grapple with this fact; it's so hard to swallow. ~SIGH~
no you are not a failure... it was just an unexpected error... you are after all, one of the smartest people i've ever met...
ReplyDelete*hugs*
i know you can do well the next time! gambatte! and well, you can always pick up mandarin ^^ i was lost when i first joined this group of friends (in intec), but i picked up mandarin~ and last time in SMC rmb? i learned up cantonese.
dun worry dear~! =) good luck.everything will be fine =)
If you feel like you're left out because you have trouble with Mandarin, let your friends know. I'm sure they'll be willing to help you brush up your Mandarin~
ReplyDeleteHaha. You're worried that you can't keep up with them? From how I see it, you seem to have stumbled and lost focus when others finished off early. Believe in your self, pay full attention to your works first, kay? I'm positive you have learnt something from the experience anyway. ;)
in my lab's session, I got 3 out of 5 in my lab exit test and i need to raise up my hand to call the demonstrator to er, let me have a second attempt!!! so embarassing..
ReplyDeleteYou can always try to speak mandarin with them because you know what, your mandarin is not as bad as you think!
thanks for the encouragement guys... i will persevere!!!!
ReplyDeleteLolx, I'm late to comment...
ReplyDeleteHey, it was just a mistake; taking extra gauzes, and anyone could have done that (I definitely would have!). And it was a horribly tedious experiment too..Ing ing told me all about it...
Haha...have confidence in yourself. Remember how you aced SACE even though you were really ill...you can do it wan!! Believe in yourself..we all certainly do! =)
And I stay with a house with 3 people from pure chinese secondary schools, and 2 people from CHINA. And I'm the one and only banana...
Wai Hand can speak fluently because in Sabah, most national school people are fluent in Mandarin. She told me that before. So nah, can't compare..its due to exposure..Hmmm, so now that you're exposed to Mandarin every day, its a good opportunity to improve your Mandarin...hehe..
yuenshin GAMBATTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletein my first class, i almost cut my finger out with the bandsaw & many other sharp objects =)
hahahahaha~
but don worry yuenshin.. u will make new friends where u don have to feel like u're changing urself to suit them or to fit in. u will find great friends where u can totally be urself with =)
the beginning is tough.. gosh, i'm in that stage now too.. surrounded by all chinese-speaking ppl.. and of course i feel left out.. cuz i don understand bout 80% of what they're talking about.
but everything will be ok in the end!!! surely! these stuff need time.
so hang in there! =)