Had a long chat with Shu Ning on Msn. I always thought I am atheist. But it turns out I am agnostic after all. Thanks for the enlightening me, Shu. I have always believed in the existence of a higher power. But I do not feel comfortable following a set religion. I was brought up in a Buddhist/Taoist family. My father, although is a believer in the Dhamma, keeps saying things like: “Do your best and leave the worrying to the Lord.” You can say I was pretty confused. “Should I believe in God or Buddhism?” I thought to myself.

Then a couple of months back, something struck me as I was thinking about this. Why does this world have so many different religions? How could we believe in different things when essentially we are the same people, who are living in the same universe – sharing the very same existence? In the end, I decided that indeed, there is a higher power that governs this world, and created everything in it. I look at Mother Nature and the beauty in it, and I could feel He exists in such things. Because He is great, I could not know everything there is to know about him. I may not be able to know the truth about Him now, but I think I will only when I die.

To me, it is okay to not know everything about Him. I am okay with not having a specific set of beliefs. I decided to focus on the present – to focus on the love in my life. I love my family and friends, and they love me too. That is all I ever need to know to continue living this existence of mine.

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I simply do not understand parents who disown their kids for following a different religion. To me, faith is something innate that grows in you. What you believe in may not always be the same as others. Why do parents think kids will always follow their beliefs? Why disown your own flesh and blood whom you have loved for all your life, just because they are different? Nothing could ever change the fact that they are your kids, in spite of the differences in religion.

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Defend your religion with violence, and people would think your God is violent. Defend it with love and people would think that your God loves.

That is what I honestly believe in.