maybe i was around 5 when i realised that this world is impermanent.
and all sorts of difficult questions popped up in my head. before i was born, what was i? where was i? if i were dead, where would i go? what would i be? then, i felt afraid of the future. i don't want to grow up. i want to stay forever like this, as a kid. all these thoughts left me dizzy, sick, nauseous.
even though so many years had passed since that first realisation, i still feel that way about this world, about the future.
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